That feeling of exultation,
pouring, rushing, sweeping.
A tidbit of light comes to you,
Sitting, thinking, talking.
You try to get away,
racing, remembering, trying.
You hurry to jot something,
typing, writing, annoying.
It's on the tip of your tongue,
laughing, displeasing, overweening.
It makes it away from you,
escaping, hiding, leaving.
And you are left with naught,
despairing, weeping, eviscerating.
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7 comments:
at first i wasn't sure about all the gerunds, but then i recognized how you were structuring the poem - rather cleverly - and how it seemed like a nervous and racing heartbeat. really great. also enjoy the fact that many of the descriptive words seem to contradict each other within their groupings. isn't that just like the darting flight of thought? aren't our minds and lives just so full of contradiction? humans contain contradictions which make them fuller, whole even.
i particularly like the line "laughing, displeasing, overweening."
not that you asked, and throw it away if it doesn't suit you, but i think you should change the word 'naught' to 'nothing.' it's archaic, and doesn't suit your vernacular.
sorry i'm a lazy butt and fail to use capital letters more often than is dignified.
keep writing, girl!
February 7, 2007 1:52 PM
Maybe that's what makes it all the more enticing..that ever-elusive quality...which makes us chase after it with all our heart.
It eluded us then- but thats no matter- tomorrow we will run faster stretch our arms farther...
"and so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly to the past"
January 28, 2007 8:10 AM
Oh, excellent... I love the use of your words... the pattern, the flow...
Get yourself a pda if you can - they''re great for jotting when an idea comes to you! (as long as you don't go dropping it into a dirty puddle! :-) )
Isn't it frustrating, when you have an idea so sharp in your mind, and you absolutely know it, and then it's hiding just out of sight?!
How come, if your blogs are melded, your name is still your own? that's interesting... means you're not totally glued together...
February 12, 2007 1:06 PM
Mom, you've captured my heart!!!
Kissyface, dun worry about it, i rarely use any captitol letters... lol. Yeah, people have told me that i have an interesting vocabulary of choice... Ill say something like yall followed closely by the words naught and either... not e-ther, i-ther... :-) I was really annoyed when i wrote this... I was being lectured by my father when i found a poem in my head... only to forget it the second i was able to write it down... frustrating aint it?
dad... i hate that book -_-
February 7, 2007 7:56 PM
Delete
Curious... why are there two dates at the end of each comment? Looks like you answered the others' comments just as I was posting!
he he... yeah I did, I thought about it and decided that I wanted to keep most of my comments... thanks for the suggestion
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