Tainted

Sometimes I feel tainted
Ruining everything I touch
My face, though pretty painted
Is vial, you should treat me such
Coral from the ocean,
Flowers from the earth.
All faded into nothing
when I was given birth.
Things I see so pretty
Beautiful in my eye
truly are the wreckage of
Their once sought after lust.
People, things and places,
once so clean and pure and fresh,
are now the shards of mirrors
My own looking glass
Even this, my own work
has no scheme or rhyme
Just a bunch of clumsy words
Put together at one time.

Looks like I'm finally feeling the poetry thing again... too bad it's sad.

Walking the Winding Path of Self Discovery

I'm still reading The Secret and it told me to make a list of things that I am grateful for and that seems like the type of thing I should put on here. It didn't give me a number, but I'm going to say that every person should be able to think of at least 10 things that they are grateful for so that's what I'm going to do!

1. I'm grateful I have my family. As much as Momma gets on my case, yells at me, or tries to fix my hair or clothes before I leave the house, I know that she does so much for me. She pushed me way to hard to get into college, but look where I am today, I love being here, I'm doing what I want to do, honestly, sometimes it's a bit surreal to me to think that one day *I* will get to touch an Orca Whale. That speaks to me. The only reason I've done as well as I have so far is all thanks to my mother! I'm grateful for my Dad, Steve. He was not a very big part of my life for awhile, but since he came back, I don't know what I would do without him. He is such an amazing source of information that I don't really want to know, but can't help but be curious about. I love hearing his stories about his dad, his mom, his childhood and everything since then. Yall think his blog is something, try living with him! He thinks of these stories and the way he tells them is, believe it or not, so much better than the way he writes it! Even Rip, who gets into all kinds of trouble all the time, I'm so glad I have him! He was my best friend for the first decade of my life. I still love him more than I know. Dr. Carrot-Top is such a special little boy. He makes you realize all the small things in life that truly matter. He asked my grandmother one day "Nana, What do you call the holes in your nose that boogers come out of?" Adorable.

2. I'm grateful for my friends. At any given moment, I can call five different girls or three different guys and they will talk to me, when I'm sad, when I'm happy, when I'm-so-bored-out-of-my-mind-that-if-I-don't-talk-to-
someone-this-instant-I'm-gonna-go-crazy.

I love my friends so much, and I'm so very grateful to have them. I'm not sure how sane I would be today if it wasn't for them.

3. I'm so happy I met Red. She wasn't supposed to be my rooommate. When she came to get her apartment, they changed them around and kicked another girl out of the room so that she could live there. I'm so grateful that they did. If I hadn't met Red I'm pretty sure that both of us would be in tiny little pieces on the kitchen floor somewhere right about now.

4. I'm grateful for music. I love music, it has given me and so many people I know so much happiness. From me and my friends sitting around listening to music, having it become a part of my life in band all the way to Mother of Invention's song that she wrote and sang and is now all over the web on youtube! Music helps people cheer up, breaks the ice, validates their emotions, helps with focus, and setting the mood. When you hear a song that was very important to you at a certain point in your life, you remember what was going on, you remember how you were feeling and some of the problems. We all have a soundtrack to our lives and I'm so thankful for that!

5. I'm thankful that I get to go home. I'm so lucky to be able to fly home for holidays! Some people don't get to do that. I take for granted everything my parents do for me and I'm oh so very thankful that they do, without my approval and sometimes to my distaste, my mom and dad take care of me, every day. Momma sent me a package in the mail with baked potatoes, these amazing chocolate lava volcano things and fillet mignon, all frozen and ready to cook because she "Wanted to make sure you, Red and Houston were well fed for our finals." I talked to Daddy while I was crying, wanting to come home, very upset about being alone, and he asks me for my friend's number so that I can have my flute, that they bought me, because it makes me happy to play it for him. This all seems like it's being grateful for my mom and dad, but I have to be grateful for them because everything I do leads back to something they have taught me.

It took me a few days to write this, but I think it's worth it, I didn't make my goal of 10 but these 5 will do quite nicely, maybe I'll come back and write 5 more, but I got stuck on how amazing my parents are, how most people's parents are. Even as teenagers we cry and whine and act like small children, we all do it, at more appropriate times than small children, but we do. I'm sure that every once in a while, even the most adult of grown-ups feels like throwing a temper tantrum. I'm so glad I have my mom and dad to let me cry over silly things sometimes.

The Secret

A few days ago, I was looking around at everyone's blog and found this on the Red Dirt Scribbler's blog. She was looking for a way to "Pay It Forward" in the blogging world, without giving away personal information. I found a way that I can help!

I read a book called The Secret by Rhonda Byrne a few days ago. I was pretty upset, I was sad, bored and very lonely. So Red took me to Borders bookstore. I love bookstores. Daddy told you about my Adventures on the Candy Aisle, well when I'm in a bookstore, the opposite happens. I find books that I would love to read. Unless I limit my time in a bookstore to about a half an hour.... bad things happen.

Any way, I came out of the bookstore 20 minutes later, 30 dollars poorer and 3 books happier. One of these books was The Secret. It is a book that tells you the secret to life, the universe and everything. My way of "Paying It Forward" is to tell you The Secret.

You have powers. Brain powers! When you think about something, you send out a frequency, like a little radio wave. An idea is sent out into the world anytime you think, which is pretty often! This frequency attracts other like frequencies, causing people and thoughts that are similar to what you think to come to you. So, if you think "I'm going to get a new car" and you truly believe that you will get a new car, guess what. You'll get a new car. Because you are thinking about it often and you truly believe it will happen, a situation will present itself so that you get a new car in the near future. This concept works for a lot of things, loosing weight, finding love, being happy.

I hope you read my post about being sad, well after I read this book, I consciously began thinking about happy things, if I couldn't stay asleep, I would think 'I'm glad I got a few hours of sleep at least'. And things have been going better for me since I started doing this. I have been happier, found things that I need to do. Fix problems that were there that I don't have anymore! If everyone is aware of The Secret then more people will be happy and maybe want to tell their friends about it. The world becomes a better place, with more happy people.

I'm Way Down Here!!!

How old are you? Don't answer me, just think about it. Well guess what. I'm 18. Sometimes I wish I had someone to blog to that was my age. I would love to talk to Red Dirt Girl at my age. Mother of Invention, Grizzbabe, Annalisa, Barbara, Kissyface, Old Lady, Gewels. I look up to all of you, I respect you. You are all amazing people. I would love to have known you when you were my age. Sometimes, I just need to talk to someone my own age.

It seems that everyone I know in this, the Blogging World, is a generation ahead of me. Serves me right too, yall are my Dad's friends. I have just now begun to get to know you, but already I know our friendships will be hindered by the age difference. When you comment on my posts, you will see me as Steve's Daughter, I will see you as My Dad's Friends. I want it to be different, but I'm afraid it may never change. I'm in a different world from you. I'm in college still. Most of you are set in your career, have children, or have taken steps toward one of both of those things.

I think I want to work with whales. Maybe Orcas. Possibly Belugas. Perhaps even the illustrious Blue. Or ya know what, if that falls through, I would love to have a chance to work with Tigers. Maybe Horses. I don't have a boyfriend right now, but if I did it would be a boy from Denver, Colorado that I spent my summer with. He has met my parents, but that doesn't matter to me. All I know is that he is my best friend and so much more. Colorado is still a junior in high school though, and even those two years is a bit much of a difference for us to handle right now.

How am I supposed to relate to, to talk to, confide in, my dad's friends. Who are all a generation ahead of me. I'm not sure why I'm feeling this way, maybe I just need to go home, but I needed to say it.

10 Days and 9 Hours

Yes, I did it, I finally cleaned my room. I thought that if I cleaned my room, I might be happier to sit in my room on my computer. I was wrong. I sat here at my computer, no happier to have the light on with nothing on the floor than I was in the dark filth of my bedroom. I hear my roommate, Red, walk into the kitchen. Red had left to go get cigarettes about an hour ago.

At the beginning of the school year, our apartment was full of people all the time, we had four happy freshmen girls living here. All of our friends would come over all the time. I was never really bored, if no one was here, I was doing my homework. By the time I finished, there were more people here. My other roommate, Houston, and I were close at the beginning of the year but have grown apart, we have different friends, her friends and I don't get along and we have different interests.

Red and I have become very good friends. As the year has dragged on, we both have been missing people at home. I miss Momma, Daddy, Rip, Dr. Carrot-Top and many of my friends. She misses her parents, her friends and her long term boyfriend.

Our other roommate moved out, she wanted to be at home and since home is just off the island, she can commute, so she does now.

Daddy told yall about all the boys that are always around my apartment. Well they seem to be MIA. We haven't seen very many of them in the past few weeks. I'm not sure if it is because of the holidays and everyone just having so much to do or if there is some other, unknown reason for their disappearance, but it has caused much grief for Red and I. We sit around bored all day. Most of our classes have let out early, I've taken all but two of my finals and I have 10 days and about 9 hours to all but kill before I can go home.

We go to the beach at low tide and search for shells, but after a few minutes of finding the same cool looking shells over and over again, that quickly becomes boring. We go out to look for shells every few days, but it isn't what I would call the highlight of my day.

It has become too cool to swim, I've been told that there have been shark sightings from the Seawall. I'm not swimming with sharks!!

We have some movies that we have been watching, but you can only watch movies for a certain amount of time each day before you go stir crazy.

This probably explains the amount of posting and commenting I have been doing lately. I know I don't get on very often, so I'm sure a few of you were a bit curious.

I've become sad too. I don't like being sad... Any suggestions for things I can do to pass the time would be greatly appreciated, I don't have a car, so unless Red feels like taking me, I don't GO very much of anywhere.

P.S.
Daddy, have you found my flute yet?

XOXO
Water Baby