I haven't posted in almost 2 months.
I'm sure most of you are at least a bit curious as to why, or you were until my dad told you.
I moved back home, back to Fort Worth, back with my dad and withdrew from college.
I was supposed to go home on Friday, I had to work, but I was sick so I called in and told them I would need an extra day. Saturday I would drive back. I went to see Colorado and was over until about midnight, maybe a bit later. When I was leaving I was very upset, I didn't want to go back. I was so unhappy down there and it just felt... wrong? But I finish what I start, I was going back the next day, like it or not. I cried the whole way home.
When I got home, I managed to calm down enough to silently walk to my room to go to my room without waking Momma. Unfortunately, she was sitting on the couch when I walked in the door.
"What's wrong"
I proceeded to ball my eyes out for 2-3 hours.
I didn't go back to Galveston.
Until I had to go get:
my dog
my clothes
my dishes
my pots and pans
my books
my furniture
JP was with me, but it was still one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Anytime I ran into anyone I knew, I had to explain the situation. Why I was dropping out of college. Everyone told me not to. I knew I shouldn't. But it wasn't something that I should or should not do. Wanted to do. Took any pleasure in doing. I had to. Bottom line: I was failing classes, completely miserable, and wanted nothing more than to wallow in my unhappiness when I was there. Not healthy for a 19 year old.
So now you know. I don't want advise, words of wisdom, or helpful hints. While these are all god things to have. I seem to be getting so many of each that any time anyone mentions it I want to shoot them. Everyone cares, and i now everyone wants to help, but sometimes letting me make some mistakes and try to pick up the pieces on my own is exactly what I need.
Love you all,
Water Baby
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10 comments:
I have no doubt that you will find your way. Glad you are back within the comforts of home.
So much I would like to say..but I won't.
You're one smart girl and I love you.
Just know that I came, read, and understand totally. We all find our way by going down different roads.
(You already must know how much that sweet daddy of yours missed you.)
Grizzbabe- I'm so happy to be back home and I have already started to figure out what comes next.
Gewels- I know and I appreciate any advise you wish you could give me, but I've probably already heard it several times over :) I'll be sure to let yall know how I'm doing and what will come next and once I start to get back on my feet, advise will once again be very welcome, just not yet.
Mom- I do, and I know and I'm glad. you all mean so much to me :)
I've never been an advocate of going immediately to college. I waited a while myself. Hell after pounding the books for 18 years a person needs some time off! So, when ever you do want advise you have a plethora of (ahem) experienced people to turn to. Plus, I for one am glad you are home, I think your Pa was getting a little lonely.
She brought her dawg with her...I keep complaining that she's not around enough, but she hasnt shot me yet.
Old Lady, I've been hearing that from quite a few people lately, and i think that I needed to try at least or i would be even more disappointed with myself, I wouldnt be as ok with going to the community college if I hadnt tried to go to my dream school and found out that it SUCKS there first :)
Dad, careful, I still might :P
Such self awareness at such a young age .... I wish I had half of courage, waterbaby - even now!
a great post ... and I miss you, too!
Sometimes it's just a matter of timing. College may be in your future, but just now right now. It's good you have a loving family to come home to. Give your dog a big hug. Everything will be alright.
rdg, awesome to hear from you, i love your comments, and your right, it takes a lot to admit, not only to yourself, but to everyone else, that you need to take a step or 3 back
Barbra, i know ill go back, and i still want to be an aggie, it really became a part of who i am in the short time i was there, just not yet
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