Tainted

Sometimes I feel tainted
Ruining everything I touch
My face, though pretty painted
Is vial, you should treat me such
Coral from the ocean,
Flowers from the earth.
All faded into nothing
when I was given birth.
Things I see so pretty
Beautiful in my eye
truly are the wreckage of
Their once sought after lust.
People, things and places,
once so clean and pure and fresh,
are now the shards of mirrors
My own looking glass
Even this, my own work
has no scheme or rhyme
Just a bunch of clumsy words
Put together at one time.

Looks like I'm finally feeling the poetry thing again... too bad it's sad.

Walking the Winding Path of Self Discovery

I'm still reading The Secret and it told me to make a list of things that I am grateful for and that seems like the type of thing I should put on here. It didn't give me a number, but I'm going to say that every person should be able to think of at least 10 things that they are grateful for so that's what I'm going to do!

1. I'm grateful I have my family. As much as Momma gets on my case, yells at me, or tries to fix my hair or clothes before I leave the house, I know that she does so much for me. She pushed me way to hard to get into college, but look where I am today, I love being here, I'm doing what I want to do, honestly, sometimes it's a bit surreal to me to think that one day *I* will get to touch an Orca Whale. That speaks to me. The only reason I've done as well as I have so far is all thanks to my mother! I'm grateful for my Dad, Steve. He was not a very big part of my life for awhile, but since he came back, I don't know what I would do without him. He is such an amazing source of information that I don't really want to know, but can't help but be curious about. I love hearing his stories about his dad, his mom, his childhood and everything since then. Yall think his blog is something, try living with him! He thinks of these stories and the way he tells them is, believe it or not, so much better than the way he writes it! Even Rip, who gets into all kinds of trouble all the time, I'm so glad I have him! He was my best friend for the first decade of my life. I still love him more than I know. Dr. Carrot-Top is such a special little boy. He makes you realize all the small things in life that truly matter. He asked my grandmother one day "Nana, What do you call the holes in your nose that boogers come out of?" Adorable.

2. I'm grateful for my friends. At any given moment, I can call five different girls or three different guys and they will talk to me, when I'm sad, when I'm happy, when I'm-so-bored-out-of-my-mind-that-if-I-don't-talk-to-
someone-this-instant-I'm-gonna-go-crazy.

I love my friends so much, and I'm so very grateful to have them. I'm not sure how sane I would be today if it wasn't for them.

3. I'm so happy I met Red. She wasn't supposed to be my rooommate. When she came to get her apartment, they changed them around and kicked another girl out of the room so that she could live there. I'm so grateful that they did. If I hadn't met Red I'm pretty sure that both of us would be in tiny little pieces on the kitchen floor somewhere right about now.

4. I'm grateful for music. I love music, it has given me and so many people I know so much happiness. From me and my friends sitting around listening to music, having it become a part of my life in band all the way to Mother of Invention's song that she wrote and sang and is now all over the web on youtube! Music helps people cheer up, breaks the ice, validates their emotions, helps with focus, and setting the mood. When you hear a song that was very important to you at a certain point in your life, you remember what was going on, you remember how you were feeling and some of the problems. We all have a soundtrack to our lives and I'm so thankful for that!

5. I'm thankful that I get to go home. I'm so lucky to be able to fly home for holidays! Some people don't get to do that. I take for granted everything my parents do for me and I'm oh so very thankful that they do, without my approval and sometimes to my distaste, my mom and dad take care of me, every day. Momma sent me a package in the mail with baked potatoes, these amazing chocolate lava volcano things and fillet mignon, all frozen and ready to cook because she "Wanted to make sure you, Red and Houston were well fed for our finals." I talked to Daddy while I was crying, wanting to come home, very upset about being alone, and he asks me for my friend's number so that I can have my flute, that they bought me, because it makes me happy to play it for him. This all seems like it's being grateful for my mom and dad, but I have to be grateful for them because everything I do leads back to something they have taught me.

It took me a few days to write this, but I think it's worth it, I didn't make my goal of 10 but these 5 will do quite nicely, maybe I'll come back and write 5 more, but I got stuck on how amazing my parents are, how most people's parents are. Even as teenagers we cry and whine and act like small children, we all do it, at more appropriate times than small children, but we do. I'm sure that every once in a while, even the most adult of grown-ups feels like throwing a temper tantrum. I'm so glad I have my mom and dad to let me cry over silly things sometimes.

The Secret

A few days ago, I was looking around at everyone's blog and found this on the Red Dirt Scribbler's blog. She was looking for a way to "Pay It Forward" in the blogging world, without giving away personal information. I found a way that I can help!

I read a book called The Secret by Rhonda Byrne a few days ago. I was pretty upset, I was sad, bored and very lonely. So Red took me to Borders bookstore. I love bookstores. Daddy told you about my Adventures on the Candy Aisle, well when I'm in a bookstore, the opposite happens. I find books that I would love to read. Unless I limit my time in a bookstore to about a half an hour.... bad things happen.

Any way, I came out of the bookstore 20 minutes later, 30 dollars poorer and 3 books happier. One of these books was The Secret. It is a book that tells you the secret to life, the universe and everything. My way of "Paying It Forward" is to tell you The Secret.

You have powers. Brain powers! When you think about something, you send out a frequency, like a little radio wave. An idea is sent out into the world anytime you think, which is pretty often! This frequency attracts other like frequencies, causing people and thoughts that are similar to what you think to come to you. So, if you think "I'm going to get a new car" and you truly believe that you will get a new car, guess what. You'll get a new car. Because you are thinking about it often and you truly believe it will happen, a situation will present itself so that you get a new car in the near future. This concept works for a lot of things, loosing weight, finding love, being happy.

I hope you read my post about being sad, well after I read this book, I consciously began thinking about happy things, if I couldn't stay asleep, I would think 'I'm glad I got a few hours of sleep at least'. And things have been going better for me since I started doing this. I have been happier, found things that I need to do. Fix problems that were there that I don't have anymore! If everyone is aware of The Secret then more people will be happy and maybe want to tell their friends about it. The world becomes a better place, with more happy people.

I'm Way Down Here!!!

How old are you? Don't answer me, just think about it. Well guess what. I'm 18. Sometimes I wish I had someone to blog to that was my age. I would love to talk to Red Dirt Girl at my age. Mother of Invention, Grizzbabe, Annalisa, Barbara, Kissyface, Old Lady, Gewels. I look up to all of you, I respect you. You are all amazing people. I would love to have known you when you were my age. Sometimes, I just need to talk to someone my own age.

It seems that everyone I know in this, the Blogging World, is a generation ahead of me. Serves me right too, yall are my Dad's friends. I have just now begun to get to know you, but already I know our friendships will be hindered by the age difference. When you comment on my posts, you will see me as Steve's Daughter, I will see you as My Dad's Friends. I want it to be different, but I'm afraid it may never change. I'm in a different world from you. I'm in college still. Most of you are set in your career, have children, or have taken steps toward one of both of those things.

I think I want to work with whales. Maybe Orcas. Possibly Belugas. Perhaps even the illustrious Blue. Or ya know what, if that falls through, I would love to have a chance to work with Tigers. Maybe Horses. I don't have a boyfriend right now, but if I did it would be a boy from Denver, Colorado that I spent my summer with. He has met my parents, but that doesn't matter to me. All I know is that he is my best friend and so much more. Colorado is still a junior in high school though, and even those two years is a bit much of a difference for us to handle right now.

How am I supposed to relate to, to talk to, confide in, my dad's friends. Who are all a generation ahead of me. I'm not sure why I'm feeling this way, maybe I just need to go home, but I needed to say it.

10 Days and 9 Hours

Yes, I did it, I finally cleaned my room. I thought that if I cleaned my room, I might be happier to sit in my room on my computer. I was wrong. I sat here at my computer, no happier to have the light on with nothing on the floor than I was in the dark filth of my bedroom. I hear my roommate, Red, walk into the kitchen. Red had left to go get cigarettes about an hour ago.

At the beginning of the school year, our apartment was full of people all the time, we had four happy freshmen girls living here. All of our friends would come over all the time. I was never really bored, if no one was here, I was doing my homework. By the time I finished, there were more people here. My other roommate, Houston, and I were close at the beginning of the year but have grown apart, we have different friends, her friends and I don't get along and we have different interests.

Red and I have become very good friends. As the year has dragged on, we both have been missing people at home. I miss Momma, Daddy, Rip, Dr. Carrot-Top and many of my friends. She misses her parents, her friends and her long term boyfriend.

Our other roommate moved out, she wanted to be at home and since home is just off the island, she can commute, so she does now.

Daddy told yall about all the boys that are always around my apartment. Well they seem to be MIA. We haven't seen very many of them in the past few weeks. I'm not sure if it is because of the holidays and everyone just having so much to do or if there is some other, unknown reason for their disappearance, but it has caused much grief for Red and I. We sit around bored all day. Most of our classes have let out early, I've taken all but two of my finals and I have 10 days and about 9 hours to all but kill before I can go home.

We go to the beach at low tide and search for shells, but after a few minutes of finding the same cool looking shells over and over again, that quickly becomes boring. We go out to look for shells every few days, but it isn't what I would call the highlight of my day.

It has become too cool to swim, I've been told that there have been shark sightings from the Seawall. I'm not swimming with sharks!!

We have some movies that we have been watching, but you can only watch movies for a certain amount of time each day before you go stir crazy.

This probably explains the amount of posting and commenting I have been doing lately. I know I don't get on very often, so I'm sure a few of you were a bit curious.

I've become sad too. I don't like being sad... Any suggestions for things I can do to pass the time would be greatly appreciated, I don't have a car, so unless Red feels like taking me, I don't GO very much of anywhere.

P.S.
Daddy, have you found my flute yet?

XOXO
Water Baby

Joining Us From Hurst, Texas

I'm not sure if Daddy has told you about my band this year, but I'm going to now.

This year they went to Grand Nationals, the biggest band competition in the nation. Last year, we came in second, we were so proud, I'm not sure if any of you have seen the show from last year, but it was really good, go here on youtube to see it if you have time!

This year we won. We won Grand Nationals. It was huge. I cried, my mom cried, my dad cried type of huge. I wasn't even in the band this time. I saw their show for the the first time today. I cried again. It was so long that youtube made the person that posted it split into two videos, if you can find the time, watch them both. It's about 13 minutes long and entrancing.

If the videos don't pop up right away, just give it a minute to load and they will!!

I give you Transcendence.

Part 1



Part 2

Crank Dat Cowboys

I found a video on youtube, with some help from some friends. I excited decided to email my parents, both Daddy and Momma. I waited for Daddy's response most impatiently. It came and I was disappointed, he was simply routing me to another link!

You see, Red Dirt Girl seems to have beaten me to the punch. Back in October, she posted a video her babysitter showed her children. Soulja Boi teaching viewers to 'Crank Dat'

I found this video and just thought that you would like it, I did!



if you would like to see the post that inspired this visit Red Dirt Girl

Saving the World, One Mysticete at a Time

I'm not so sure that Yall are going to like this too much, it's a bit of homework that I did for my Succeeding in Science coarse. I had to write an introduction to a research paper. Most people see the word 'introduction' and think, one paragraph. Tell the reader my point. Write a thesis statement. Short and to the point, right? A lot like this paragraph right here... Wait til you get a load of this short sweet and to the point introduction that just barely met the word count requirement of 550 words.

Mysticeti are whales that do not have teeth, instead they have rows of baleen. Baleen is made of keratin and project from the outer edges of the palate (Croll, et al). Mysticeti use these rows of baleen to filter water out of the mouth while feeding (Gormely, et al). There are four kinds of feeding habits that Mysticeti use. The most common is known as intermittent ram suspension feeding, generally used by rorquals such as humpbacks, blue, and fin whales. Continuous suspension feeding, used by bowhead and right whales, and sediment feeding, employed by gray whales, are the other two widely accepted feeding patterns (Cetacean Palaeobiology, et al). Bubble nets or bubble clouds are also thought to be feeding methods, but there are those who dispute the bubble method (Gormley, et al).

Rorquals, whales with ridges (Cetacean Palaeobiology), hunt by swimming very fast into a school of prey fish with their mouths open. Fish and water rush into the whales’ mouths causing the ventral pleats to expand, once the mouth is full, the whale shuts it, sometimes needing to surface, often seen in humpbacks, in order for the mouth to fully shut. Once shut, the whales push the water through the baleen(Croll, et al). Some whales use their tongue, others rely on the elasticity of the ventral pleats (Gormley, et al). Blue whales feeding grounds have been very difficult to locate, one off the coast of Australia has been found since the 1980’s. The Bonney Upwelling, a seasonal change in water salinity and temperature, causes the number of krill in the Great Barrier Reef to rise drastically, bringing with them blue whales. This could mean that the number of blues world wide is growing and they are looking for more feeding grounds, or the availability of krill is dwindling, forcing the blues to search for food elsewhere. Very little is known about the massive animals and finding this feeding ground could help scientists discover where they go after they leave and possibly where they breed, which would be a major break through in Mysticeti research (Grill, et al).

Continuous suspension feeders keep their mouths open all the time, collecting krill and copepods in the mouth cavity, occasionally closing the gap between the baleen to filter the water out (Cetacean Palaeobiology, et al).

Sediment feeding gray whales roll onto their side, scooping mud and crustaceans into the mouth, the close their mouth and expel the water and mud out of the side of the mouth. Gray whales have recently been sighted lingering in San Francisco Bay, a place they supposedly abandoned over 150 years ago, this could be due to a growing population. Gray whales are said to have had a breeding ground there for some time (Tannenbaum, et al).

Bubble nets are used by rorquals, groups of up to 12 whales swim under a school of fish, blowing circles of bubbles around the school, causing the school to squeeze tighter and higher as the whales swim up. When the school reaches the surface, the whales swim up through the center with mouths agape, sometimes consuming entire schools (Croll, et al). Some skeptics say that the bubbles released are simply the whales emptying their lungs before taking huge mouthfuls of fish and that the bubbles do nothing to corral the fish (Gromley, et al).

Knowing the location of prey food for Mysticeti helps scientists to understand the way the ocean’s climate and salinity change with global warming, pollution and human interference. This knowledge allows humanity to better preserve the diminishing population of the wondrous creatures that live in the abyss that we know so little about. With recent finding with the blue and gray whales, we can delve deeper into the intricacies of ecosystem interdependency and how we can do more to preserve what is left until we find ways to bring animals like the pacific right whales back from the brink of extinction.

Daddy says I'm gonna save the world, I think these creatures would be an amazing place for anyone to start.

This Lil Guy Over Here

I'm not sure if Daddy has ever told you, but I have another brother, besides Rip. I'm not sure what kind of nick name I should give him yet, maybe I'll think of one by the time I finish this post.

The little guy is a result of my step dad, and like the story goes, me n Rip think of him as the evil step parent. Sometimes he is, but very rarely he isn't, but that's a different story.

This lil fellow is probably the coolest 5 year old ever, well besides me when I was 5. You see, he has a big sister in college, and a big brother that's a senior in high school. He's in kindergarten. At the same elementary school that me n Rip went to. His teacher was our PE teacher, the second grade teacher was a girl scouts mom with Momma and I'm pretty sure that Momma still has Mr. Green, the principal's, phone number in her cell phone-thank-you-Rip. He's the only kid who knows every Star Wars Character's name, what planet they are from and how the fit into the story. I don t even know that. For Halloween this year he wants to be that guy who they cloned. I can't for the life of me remember his name, but my little brother sure knows it. He has been reading for about a year now. His favorite book to read to Momma is Goodnight Opus.

I'm going home this weekend for the first time, I'm so excited! The reason I get to travel back to see my mommy and daddy is that it is the little guy's birthday on Friday. He's turning 6 and I'm pretty sure both of us are equally excited.

I got him some Star Wars Legos for his birthday.

"The big ones or the little ones mom?"
"The little ones."
"... Wow, he's getting big."


I think I'm gonna call him Dr. Carrot Top, he's a red head.

My Little Brother Is Going To College

Rip is my younger brother, he may be taller than me, weigh more than me and get into more trouble than I do, but he will always be my little brother. I called my Momma on Sunday, I plan on doing this every week at least so she doesn't have a heart attack worrying about me flunking out.

"Hey Momma"
"Guess What Rip did!"
"What's that Momma?"
"He wants to be a T-Sip!"

I'm very confused at this statement... She seems... excited... that he wants to go to *shudder* TU...

"And that's good because...?"
"Well Mrs Counselor Lady told him that he had to do really well on his SAT and take an extra math class to even get in to TU."

Rip hasn't had the best academic career.

"What did he say?"
"Well he had wanted to do Co-Op and have lots of releases so he could work more..."
"He has a job?"
"Yeah, he is the Host at Papadeux restaurant, he asked me to help him go get a tie and slacks and a button up shirt to wear to work the other day."

Rip refuses to wear a tie, slacks and a button up to church.

"Wow, what did he say when she told him about the math thing?"
"He said 'Yes, what class do I need to take and where can I sign up for a SAT Prep Course."

...

"Aubree? Are you there?"
"Yeah" *sniff* "My brother's gonna be a T-Sip!!"

Gig Em Aggies, Ay

I went to SALT Camp not knowing what a T-sip was. I didn't know what it meant to Pull Out, Push It or Mug Down. Since I was really little, people have been telling me I was gonna be an Aggie. I resisted, told all sorts of Aggie jokes and found them rather amusing.

Daddy has told you all about Uncle Don, his brother. When we went up north to see him one last time before he died, Mommy was packing for me and packed this shirt that I would never wear, I hated this shirt and would cry anytime she made me wear it. She told me it was Uncle Don's favorite color, it was burnt orange. Burnt orange was not his favorite color and is, in fact, the University of Texas school color, UT is known as TU at A&M. Those who go to TU are known as T-sips.

At A&M football is very important. Aggies never loose a game, sometimes the clock runs out, but we never actually loose. We are all the 12th man and remain standing during the game to let the coach know that if he ever needs us, we are there, ready to play. Everyone has to maroon out and stay standing the whole time. When we score any points we get to mug down, or kiss, if we choose to.

It's Awesome!

Yesterday there was a category 1 hurricane, all those from Texas went outside and watched the pretty lighting and awesome looking clouds. My roommate from Nebraska looked outside and said:

"I've seen worse."

She went and sat at her computer all night while we played in the rain with our neighbors and the boys from ROTC who are always over at my apartment. It was much fun.

This morning all the Yankees came out. They were scared of the little storm. My history teacher had them stand up and tell us how they felt. It was funny.

As my dad mentioned, there are lots of boys over at my apartment all the time. They are from the CORPS and the Naval ROTC. They are pretty cool to be around.

I Am The Walrus?

Daddy has been doing posts about The Wizard of Oz.

When I was 6 years old, I had those Ruby Red Slippers. They are no longer sparkly and have holes in the toes. Momma kept them for me. The Wizard of Oz was my favorite movie. I’m pretty sure I watched it every day.

I was so cute.

In my 11th grade Advanced Placement United States History class (APUSH), I had Mr. Washmon. Daddy had him Senior year, if that tells you how old he was. I loved Mr. Washmon, he had all kinds of old posters in his classroom, such as Coco-Cola signs and old War Stamp ones, telling you to support the troops. One of them had a picture of a pretty lady walking arm-in-arm with Uncle Sam. Mr. Washmon collects them.

He has an original movie poster for The Wizard of Oz and used it when he taught us about the monetary system switch of the late 1800’s / early 1900’s. He told us about the book and how it fit in with the silver vs. gold issue, here are a few of my favorites.

Yellow Brick Road - The Yellow Brick Road symbolizes sticking with the good ole gold coins that had been around for as long as anyone could remember. You used gold coins. That’s just the way it was. It was comfortable, you could count on it getting you what you wanted. Eventually.

Ruby Red Slippers - The Ruby Red Slippers are the products of Hollywood. Technicolor had just come out and the red showed up on the yellow brick road. The slippers were originally silver, symbolizing the use of silver coins as currency, but, of coarse, silver doesn’t show up very well on yellow. At the end, Dorothy realizes that she could have just clicked her heels and used her red/silver slippers to get her back home long ago. Yes, the yellow got her there, but she would have been better off just using the silver!

Shadow in the tree scene - There is an Urban Legend that one of the midgets who played a Munchkin hung him self on the set. Apparently, in the scene after the one with the angry apple trees, when the trio is skipping away, you can see his body swinging from one of the tree limbs. This is not true, the background behind them is a wall, not an actual road, he could not have done this, the reason you can ‘see his body swinging in the trees’ is because one of the film cutter people drew on the film so that it looked like the trees were still swaying and throwing apples. Also, if there had been actual trees on set, the proportions are wrong, someone went through and figured out that if the object swinging in the trees was a person, they would not have been the size of a midget, rather, a very large person, much like a giant.

Don’t quote me on that last one, that’s just what I remember from class, when I wrote it, I didn’t have internet access, so I couldn’t check my facts, look it up if you want to!!

It has been over a year since he told me all of this. Though I found it fascinating, I didn’t retain much, I’m afraid those are the only specifics that I remember, but I know that the Scarecrow, Tin Man, Cowardly Lion, Glenda, The Wicked Witch, and The Wizard all represent different players in the arguments for and against the use of silver. I know that the farmers and bankers are represented, but I’m not sure who they are.

My sophomore year, I had Mr. Wooley, who told us that Paul McCartney has been dead since the 1960’s. We spent a week learning all about the cover up and all the hints and clues about how it was true. We even studied the life of Billy Spheeris, who replaced him as lead singer of The Beatles. He had about 95% of my class convinced by the end of the week. The next Monday, he told us that there was no cover up, and that teachers lie to us every day; to take every thing they say with a grain of salt. He said that the only reason teachers don’t completely screw us up is so that they can keep their measly pay checks.

I would like to believe that my teachers really do care. They want us to do well, they really want us to succeed.

I’m not so sure I believe Mr. Wooley.

What Now?

I'm a senior in High School.

I'm in The Band.

I play the flute.

I'm a writer.

Yall don't know much else about me, now do you?

Well, I've learned so much about all of yall over the past few months, I just thought I would fill you in...

When I grow up, I want to be a Marine Biologist. I want to be the girl that rides Shamu in the Sea World Show, be the girl who blows the whistle and the dolphins jump through that hoop.

I want to go to A&M Galveston. I sent in my application, but that was two or three weeks ago and they haven't even recognised it yet... I'm starting to get scared...

I graduate in May, over the summer, me and some of my girl friends want to go on a road trip, maybe to Colorado, possibly Cali, we're not sure yet, but I have a feeling that we're gonna spend the whole summer planning the trip and we wont ever actually get around to going.

I'm a Lifeguard, I love being in the water. Last summer a little girl jumped off of the diving board and pretty soon she couldn't make it to the side. I jumped in and saved her. Her dad yelled at her. Parents yell when they get worried.

I like Coke. Weather it be a Pepsi, Coca Cola, RC Cola, Dublin Dr. Pepper (only real sugar *yumm*), Mountain Dew, any of the above, twist of Cherry/Vanilla Flavoring.

I like going swimming at midnight with a bunch of friends, it's dark and it's just us, no one can come into our little world, unless of coarse we get too loud, then the nice police man comes and tells us we should "Skee-daddle"

I like wearing my hair in pig tails, braided, like little girls and Ellie Mae.

I have green eyes. I like to say they look like McDonald's pickles, other times they look yellowish on the inside, turn brilliant emerald green, light blue, and by the time you get to the outside of the colorful part, there is a ring of forest green there.

My pupils are HUGE

My favorite stone is a Sapphire.

My mom says I wear too much eyeliner, my friends tell me I don't wear enough

I'm a band nerd, I love band, it's an awesome experience, but I'm terribly afraid that that wonderful portion of my life is over. I'm gonna miss it. A lot.

There isn't a band at A&M Galveston, the only sports we have are rowing and crew (sailboat racing)

My dad wants to find me a prom date out of a catalog, he thinks I can't find my own date...

I don't even want to go to prom...

I'm terrified of needles. They freak me out. Even more than Cockroaches.

*shudder*

Did I ever tell you about the time my U.S. History teacher threw a live cockroach on me, I screamed bloody murder so loud that a few teachers from other class rooms came to see what happened and I sat in the fetal position for about 20 minutes crying? Well now I did.

I've been messing up a lot lately, I'm sorry Daddy, Momma, I'm 18, I feel like I need to spread my wings a little bit before I leave so that when I crash and burn, I can just come back home and lick my wounds. If I don't do it now, I'll do it when I leave, and then I'll be about 500 miles away (I think?... how far is it from "Funky Town" Ft. Worth to Galveston?). I don't want to crash and not be able to pick up the pieces... I still need you guys!

Just a few things about me, why I do certain things, and what lies in my future.

Cross my fingers X X close my eyes >_< and make a wish

I'm almost a grown up...

I Love My Mother

My mom is a pirate. My dad used to be a pirate, but he found his happy thought.

If you have ever seen the movie Hook, you know what I’m talking about. For those of you that haven’t:

Pirates are those people who ‘Grew up’, they are ‘Grown ups’.

They lost their happy thought somewhere along the way and forgot how to fly.

I hope I never forget how to fly.

Most people don’t realize when they lose their happy thought, it just kind of happens.

You know my mother as X Mrs. Bulletholes, I’ll just call her Momma. Momma works. Momma works a lot. Momma tries very hard to be everything to her children and at work, but she can’t. It’s just not humanly possible. Her expectations of herself are going to lead to a nervous break down, and she’s already half there. When something goes wrong, she tries to micromanage everything so that it will all be o.k. in the end.

I don’t think she realizes that some things she thinks are going wrong are just taking the scenic route on the path through life.

Momma expects everyone around her to be perfect as well, I think. I was upset and told her that maybe I didn’t want to go to college, and she sent me to the counselor at school. Do all moms stress you out more than help sometimes?

Mine does.

Sisterly Love

Ronald Reagan High School is our biggest rival in marching band. Reagan is also the only band we are happy to see beat us.

At BOA Arlington, when all the bands have competed, all the finalists line up, side by side and a selected drumline plays a few 'songs' so we can all march in in style. This year L.D. Bell's drumline was chosen. We, of course, didn't find this out until 5 minutes before we marched on. Reagan was on our left, and I don't remember who was on our right, but no one was talking to them anyway. A flute player standing next to me was showing me her new uniform and I was showing her mine, we both has mirrors and really cool cords. My shako was solid white and she loved it and hers was pretty cool looking. She was amazed that we were allowed to touch our plumes. Plumes are these foot and a half long sticks that are covered in feathers. We wear them on the top of our heads. Reagan had 3 boy flute players this year, so did we, it was a first for both bands.

Our drumline started taps and Bell stopped talking to Reagan, all at once, some of us in mid sentance. We stapped to attention and began to mark time, that was what we were trained to do. I could hear the Reagan flute line whispering, they had stopped talking because, well its creepy to see 286 kids all stop what they are doing and start doing the same thing. I heard the girls next to me saying "I didn't believe you... wow, they really do freak you out when they do that..." I had to try real hard not to smile.

I'm told that as the bands come onto the field it looks really cool, I wouldn't I've never seen it. All I know is that by the end of it, my feet hurt from standing in the same place and being still for so long.

The announcer comes over the loud speaker and everyone in the stands is silent. You can hear a pin drop. He goes on the explain that the event is sponsered by yamaha and a few other companies and tells us to "Remember, because of eveything these kids do on a daily basis to even be standing on the field before you makes them all winners at life." he tells the crowd that "if you enjoyed watching these shows today, let these amazing kids hear it!". And boy do they. Everyone stands up and starts screaming. At this point, I can't wait to get to Grand Nationals and hear they crowd screaming in the dome, it echoes in a dome. The crowd settles down a little bit and he starts talking some more.

We won the caption for best music.

We won the caption for best visual.

The announcer waited. He knows exactly how to make us hold our breath.

"And for best General Effect... the L.D. Bell High School Marching Band!"
Our parents stood up and we were so excited, we had won all three captions. But we still had to just stand there at attention.

Dan Potter, the announcer began announcing the placements all the way up from 10. He announced number three and I started holding my breath.
"And in Second place, with a score of ##.##... The Ronald Reagan High School Marching Band!!"

If you have ever won anything really big, you know what it feels like, if you haven't, it's the best feeling in the world, but to know you have won something and not be able to show how happy you are about it is the most painful feeling in the world.

"And in First place.... with a score of ##.##......... The L.D. Bell High School Marching Band!!!!"
The crowd went wild, and still we had to just stand at attention, we aren't allowed to smile.

"In keeping with Bands Of America Tradition, when I give the signal, the bands before you will be allowed to Break Ranks and congradulate each other. Remember, we are winners at life! BOA Arlington Finalists, you may now Break Ranks!!"

My mom told me that when he said that, she could hear our band let out a collective breath and Bell's Blue uniform mixed with Reagan's Green one and the two bands merged into one.

As soon as I was allowed to, I broke ranks and was immediatly taken into the arms of the entire flute line, Bell's and Reagan's. We were crying and they were crying for us.

Reagan is our sister school, we want to beat them, and they are our rivals, but if anyone beats us we want it to be them, and if anyone beats them, they want it to be us. We hope they come in second only to us, and even at life, even if we cant all be winners, we hope that we at least come in second.

Tracy, Please Stop Dreaming

Tracy, can You see me?
There in Your mind’s eye?
i need for You to wake up -
Stop putting on this lie.
Now i need to talk to You,
i have something to say.
But now You cannot listen,
You just keep talking away.
i need for You to hear me,
Like that Last Day at the park.
But still You just keep talking,
Just like that stupid lark.

Tracy, i need You to listen
i keep yelling for You to hear.
It’s really quite important,
But dead to me are your ears.
So You move to walk away from me,
And i reach out for your hand.
As i begin to touch You,
It disappears into the sand.
You turn and You look through me,
As if i wasn’t there.
And finally, it comes to me,
This whole thing isn’t fair.

Tracy, can I find you?
Please get your head out of the clouds.
Then you might just see me,
You might forget that you are proud.
Or I could stop trying,
Then I would reach your mind,
My resting hand would find your delusion
And each other we could find.
However, you keep sleeping,
And in your sleep you dream.
Never will you wake for me,
At least that’s what it seems.

Tracy, please just come back
From this state the doctors say
That very few come out of,
They just stay and stay and stay.
you left Me a few years ago,
Not even one goodbye
I need to go and live, instead,
I just wait and think and sigh,
Now I need to move on,
But I had something to say
Just remember that I’ll Love You,
Each and every day.

Words Remembered, Now Forgotten

That feeling of exultation,
pouring, rushing, sweeping.
A tidbit of light comes to you,
Sitting, thinking, talking.
You try to get away,
racing, remembering, trying.
You hurry to jot something,
typing, writing, annoying.
It's on the tip of your tongue,
laughing, displeasing, overweening.
It makes it away from you,
escaping, hiding, leaving.
And you are left with naught,
despairing, weeping, eviscerating.

Rath Roiben Raye

Rath Roiben Raye,
With your hair of silver and eyes of gray,
Daunt me not, but woo me sweetly,
For though you be foe, I love you discreetly.
Of different Clans we are destined to be,
But into your eyes I wish to see.
The Flesh of the Fruit, so juicy and Red,
Would be as my Heart as you over me Bled.
An arrow of thorns that is lodged in your Heart,
Is all that Prevents us from being apart.

If you like the poem, try reading the book Tithe by Holly Black, it was written for teenage girls, but the story is a good one. I wrote that poem in about 3 minutes, as I did with the other one, when inspiration strikes, you just have to run with it and let it grow and be!

Spiders

the spider goes on spinning
in this dark moonlight
delicate smooth silk
glides through the mist

around and round she goes
floating in magical circles
weaving her deathly spell
with such precise patience

prey, i tell you that
tiny, pretty spiders
so delicate, harmless
will suck your life out

you do not heed my warnings
i scream my whispered
suggestions
to your deaf ears

Lets Try This Again

I had a blog, I was only really friends with my dad and his friends. My dad doesn't know anything about computers and he was on the infamous "Old Blogger". He was trying to change to the "New Blogger" and decided to use my e-mail as his own. My entire blog was transformed into his, all my comments had his name on them, the poems and thoughts I had shared with these people. I was really upset, my thoughts, my feeling, my writings, were now labeled as his. So I made this, my little haven, my dad won't know about it, he cant comment on it, he can't mess it up. I don't care if anyone visits me, comments on my writings, becomes my friend, it's just my haven.